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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021550">Jack-O'-Lantern</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AVAAntares/pseuds/AVAAntares'>AVAAntares</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Epistolary, Halloween, Humor, Jack-o'-lanterns, Janet the Weevil - Freeform, M/M, Prompt: Halloween traditions or celebrations, Torchwood Fan Fests, Torchwood Halloween Fest 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021550</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AVAAntares/pseuds/AVAAntares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An epistolary story in which Gwen carves, Ianto objects, Owen shirks, and Jack pays.</p>
<p>(Written for Torchwood Halloween Fest 2020. Prompt: Halloween traditions or celebrations)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Torchwood Fan Fests: Halloween Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jack-O'-Lantern</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>Please reiterate to Gwen that her workstation is a place to <span class="u">work</span>, and not a home for hollowed-out gourds of dubious vintage.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Ianto—</p>
  <p>What’s the harm in a little seasonal decor? I don’t care if she has a jack-o’-lantern on her desk. It brightens the place up a little.</p>
  <p>CJH</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>The harm is not in the having, but in the creating. That pumpkin was a whole fruit when it entered the Hub yesterday. She apparently carved it while I was out picking up lunch. The seeds are everywhere, and the bits of pulp are beginning to attract bugs.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>OK, tell her I said to clean up her mess. But I still don’t mind if she decorates.</p>
  <p>CJH</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack.</p>
  <p>Her idea of “cleaning up” was to scoop the larger clumps of pulp into the rubbish bin and leave it there over the weekend. Now the Hub is infested with fruit flies. I realize that you, in your crystal tower (office) might be far enough removed from said pests to feel that this issue doesn’t concern you, but if you do not put the kibosh on the squash, I may feel the need to make a jack-o’-lantern myself. Only instead of a pumpkin, I’ll hollow out a real Jack.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Ianto,</p>
  <p>Is that a promise? ;-)</p>
  <p>CJH</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>WITH A KNIFE, JACK.</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Fine, no need to get tetchy. I’ll ask Gwen to take the pumpkin home with her this evening.</p>
  <p>CJH</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>Gwen has left for the evening and forgot to take her creation home. For now, I have relocated the calabash of contention to your desk. Careful if you move it; it’s beginning to get a bit spongy.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>IANTO MY OFFICE IS FULL OF FRUIT FLIES!</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>Welcome to my world.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>The pumpkin that was on my desk has vanished. Ianto said you might know where it’s got to? I was going to take it home to surprise Rhys.</p>
  <p>Gwen</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Gwen,</p>
  <p>No idea. Maybe Myfanwy was feeling peckish and stole it?</p>
  <p>CJH</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack, FYI:</p>
  <p>Something’s been the matter with Janet since early this morning. She’s been acting strange, hobbling around all hunched over, almost like she’s ill. I’ve been trying to run tests but she won’t let me anywhere near her with a needle. Also, there is an AWFUL smell coming from somewhere on that level of the vaults. I’ve never had my nose inside an elephant’s arse but after today I can imagine the experience. Pretty sure it bleached my hair just walking through there. Anyway, when you get back from whatever rooftop you’re standing on, I’ll need your help sedating her for a blood draw. I tried to get Ianto to help but the blighter said the tourist office is busy today and he can’t come down.</p>
  <p>Owen</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>Disregard previous message. Found out what was wrong with Janet. Also discovered the source of the smell. One and the same, as it turns out. If we ever need to strip paint off the walls, we can just lock a flatulent Weevil in the room. Anyway, after several bouts of explosive orange diarrhea, Janet seems to be feeling much better.</p>
  <p>I’ve informed Ianto that there’s a cleanup needed in cell 3. I plan to be very busy with an extremely sensitive project for the rest of the day and should not be disturbed under any circumstances.</p>
  <p>Owen</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>I need a word with you about Owen.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
  <p>P.S. I will be unable to pick up the lunch order as usual, as I must return home for a fresh suit. The one I wore in today is saturated in liquefied Weevil excrement (read: completely and irretrievably ruined). Might I suggest sending Gwen instead?</p>
  <p>P.P.S. I have Tosh running some tests at the moment, and if these clumps of undigested orange vegetable material turn out to be what I suspect they are, then I will need rather more than a word with you.</p>
  <p>P.P.P.S. Just in case, I am bringing a very sharp knife from home.</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>Toshiko has completed her tests.</p>
  <p>Start running.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Ianto,</p>
  <p>Enclosed, please find a gift certificate that will cover a bespoke suit from Kilgour, plus whatever accessories you wish to add. Also, if you would be willing to put down your sharp knife for the evening, I will take you out to dinner at any restaurant of your choice, followed by a full night of making it up to you in the most hedonistic way I know how.</p>
  <p>Very sorry,</p>
  <p>Jack</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jack,</p>
  <p>I can be bought.</p>
  <p>Our reservation is at 7:00. Wear something nice.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Roger, wilco. Any particular style/color you prefer, Tiger Pants?</p>
  <p>CJH</p>
</blockquote><hr/>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Anything but orange, Pumpkin.</p>
  <p>Ianto</p>
</blockquote>
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